I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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