From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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