I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
