You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
