In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
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We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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