It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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