You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
