He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
