Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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