11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
