what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Buhtt sex?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
