Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
