38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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