Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
