Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
