I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
