Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
