im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
