you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
