is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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