and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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