I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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