who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
