So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I can't turn off my feet"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
