Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
