Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
