Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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