i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
