You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.