Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
R you on birth control?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
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Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.