She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
