You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
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I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
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You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza