2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
