and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
