walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
