why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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