I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
