READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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