p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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