did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you had me at cake vodka
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
