what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
