hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
