I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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