just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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