I showed him my bush... on skype.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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