Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
