whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
