i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
