I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
