apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
