Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
