I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
