My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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