So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
