the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
