I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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