Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We left the knife in your bed.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
