we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
