FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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