Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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