goodnight i made you a song goodbye
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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