His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
