Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
