I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
