My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
