Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
