It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
